As parents, I think we all know the term multi-tasking. I would even guess that we think we do it pretty well, well at least us mothers. And I am not picking on fathers, but let's face it, men and women process things very differently. Men are better at one task oriented projects, whereas, us women can talk on the phone, make supper, take care of the kids, and probably throw in a load of laundry. Or by today's technological standards, I can FB, work on my laptop for work, blog, text, and even have on one of my tv shows in the background. They say that this is how our children are being brought up and of course "research" shows that its not a good way for them to experience life. That kids are ADD and have no patience. And that their imagination and creativity seems to be lacking due to all the extra "noise" around them. And you know, I'm not sure if I agree with that, and honestly I don't care what research is being done, all I know is we will find out in 20 years how productive to society they are and how they contribute. I know my children cannot sit through commercials thanks to a nice invention called TIVO. They didn't even know what commercials were for the longest time! lol Which was nice for us since they didn't see every toy imaginable and ask for it. And I will admit that impatience to a simple thing like commercials has definitely carried over into other aspects of daily life. I often hear "When's dinner? what is taking it so long?" I say, "Its cooking in the oven" Then of course, they want to know why I didn't just use the microwave! lol And I notice Jack found it hard in a reward system if there wasn't immediate gratification. For example, we pay him a quarter for every paper he brings home from school that has a star on it. We started this simply because he wasn't bringing home that many stars. And when asked why (because I was fully aware he knew the material) he said because its boring to do these worksheets. I already know how to do them, why do I have to keep practicing? Well what wonders rewarding him with a quarter have done. He brings home the majority of his papers with stars now. Then there was the whole, how many quarters do I have? I want to go spend my money now. We made him wait. We made him pick out a toy he REALLY wanted, and made him wait to save for it. It didn't take too long, and the look of gratification he had on his face when it came in the mail was priceless. So, he's learning to be patient. However, he is still definitely a child who wants to go and get his stuff done, and move on to the next task. Which I like to refer to as the TIVO generation or TIVO syndrome.
Now, Lucy, Lucy is a different breed. She has had no choice since getting cancer to have to be patient and wait at times. Sometimes hours upon hours. BUT...she still cannot STAND commercials! And she too, is a multi-tasker. She wants to watch tv, take care of baby white, color or draw, and listen to the Beatles all at once. Jack like most boys does one task at time. Interesting how they are growing up and multitasking is a natural phenomenon, yet the innate nature still kicks in.
So now let's talk about multi-tasking for Zach and I. Its VERY stressful. Even with both of us home to take care of Lucy, we get frustrated. I think its because we both work from home. So at times, we are both really into our work, and then Lucy needs something, and one of us has to stop what we are doing to take care of her. And then it takes us 15 minutes to get back on track on what we were doing. It's not like being a stay home mom where if the dryer buzzes, you can still finish cleaning up the spilled milk before grabbing the laundry out of the dryer. Yet, we are doing that too. We are both full time stay at home parents who happen to work full time. For the most part, its lovely situation that we are very grateful for being afforded, but I am finding that my multitasking skills are actually going down hill. They aren't being sharpened as I thought they would be. I find that I actually get more frustrated with it now than I did in the beginning, and I'm also finding that less gets done in this house as far as cleaning than when we both went to the office, but there was also not anybody here all day to mess it up. I figured all this out this week (yes only into Tuesday and I had a revelation). It's spring break, so both kids are home. I've been trying to work, clean the house, keep the kids occupied, and provide a fun week off for Jack. I'm also trying to find the happy medium so I have some "alone" time even if for only a few minutes, and you know what its stressful, and I'm not sleeping.
Last night both kids went and stayed all night with family. And I was so excited to get up this morning, drink my coffee (hot) and work on my work laptop without ANY interruption. And THAT is when I realized that while its nice to multitask, and its in my nature, I love doing only one thing at a time as well. I am more productive (not meaning that I do a better job at something, but more efficient rather). I was able to finish work stuff that would normally take me 1-3 hours in 30 minutes. AND I didn't have to fast forward any commercials while doing it ;) And as I tell you all of this, I'm drinking my hot cup of coffee, checking FB, texting to see how the kids are doing, and watching my work email.......hmmmm....
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Spring Break- our Staycation
Yep, its that time of year again. The time where the kids will be home together in the house for 24/7. So time for lots of fighting! and yelling...and time outs..and maybe, just maybe some time for togetherness. Yesterday proved to be a little of all of it, but mostly the latter. My children played well together outside AFTER they both threw some massive fits because I told them NO TV! I said "its way too nice outside to be sitting in here". I sounded like my mother! oh my! Once they got out there, they rode their bikes, killed some zombies (yes, they have a new game of zombie killing). And Jack even took up refuge under a tree to read a book. That warmed my heart the most. We have read to that kid almost everyday since he was born. You know the good parent thing to do to encourage the love of reading...well, when he had to start reading for himself, he wasn't interested. Would get down right angry with us, matter of fact. So we laid off for awhile. I kept buying books I thought may interest him, even magazines like lego magazine. Anything to encourage him to read. Well, as the school year went on, he would read those little books that say level 1, 2, etc. I bought all the lego ones I could find. Then he mentioned that he was wanting a chapter book, said the other books were for babies. So I bought him "Captain Underpants" He liked looking at the pictures for a few months, and then yesterday all of a sudden, he started reading the whole darn book! yay! He was so proud he made it to chapter 13. And when Jack reads, he's still an outloud reader. So Lucy got to enjoy some of it as well. Thank you Captain Underpants! Jack has also learned how to use the remote and has been getting up on his own and making breakfast and turning on TV. Oh, how wonderful to be able to sleep in on weekends a bit. Sometimes Lucy gets up a bit early, and he will help her with breakfast and they will watch TV together, but usually it ends in a fight, which is how we are woken up. ha! I like this new independence thing, but its bitter sweet. My babies are growing up. Jack also lost 2 teeth last week! finally! Lucy keeps telling me her teeth are loose now. I told her to slow down, we didn't need both kids growing up too fast.
So, this week should be interesting since we are staying home for Spring break. That decision was based on two factors 1. Lucy needs to be close to clinic 2. we have no money. ha! Which brings up another point. We have officially realized that along with our children growing up, we are too. I don't know why, but I feel as if I have perpetually been in my early 20's for the last 15 years. hehehe Until this week. Our roof has a couple of leaks, and we knew when we bought the house 5 years ago, a new roof would probably be needed soon. Well, we bit the bullet. We paid for a new roof. Yikes! What a very grown up thing to do. We hated draining our savings considering our situation, but it needed to be done. Then of course as soon as we did that, our washing machine is deciding it wants to "not work" all the time. So looks like we will have to be grown ups again and start shopping for a new one. Ours is old anyhow, and the dryer is too. We have been waiting for this to happen for the last few months, we could tell it was getting tired. So while I realize that we are all growing up, it doesn't mean we have to like it!! lol So I am sure at some point this week, we will all decide to be kids again. I am posting some videos that are too funny not to share. enjoy and have a fabulous week, the weather looks as if its going to be great in Illinois,
So, this week should be interesting since we are staying home for Spring break. That decision was based on two factors 1. Lucy needs to be close to clinic 2. we have no money. ha! Which brings up another point. We have officially realized that along with our children growing up, we are too. I don't know why, but I feel as if I have perpetually been in my early 20's for the last 15 years. hehehe Until this week. Our roof has a couple of leaks, and we knew when we bought the house 5 years ago, a new roof would probably be needed soon. Well, we bit the bullet. We paid for a new roof. Yikes! What a very grown up thing to do. We hated draining our savings considering our situation, but it needed to be done. Then of course as soon as we did that, our washing machine is deciding it wants to "not work" all the time. So looks like we will have to be grown ups again and start shopping for a new one. Ours is old anyhow, and the dryer is too. We have been waiting for this to happen for the last few months, we could tell it was getting tired. So while I realize that we are all growing up, it doesn't mean we have to like it!! lol So I am sure at some point this week, we will all decide to be kids again. I am posting some videos that are too funny not to share. enjoy and have a fabulous week, the weather looks as if its going to be great in Illinois,
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
I just want to pee...in peace!!
Parenthood: definition: may refer to
the process of being a parent. Do you see that people....its a process!! And boy can I attest to that. I mentioned earlier that we self grade our parenting abilities, and more for sanity than anything else, but this blog is going to be the skinny about what the process really means and is. And as a disclaimer (because I know people will say..it goes by so fast so enjoy it, or some people would gladly love the experience, or think of those who have lost their children, etc etc) so my disclaimer is this: I understand all of the above, I live with the fear of losing Lucy everyday. Cancer has done so much to add to that fear, BUT...it does NOT change the fact that parenthood is a struggle and has tons of ups and downs...but along with that is a lot of funnies. And truths...lots of truths..truths that many people don't tell you because either 1. they forget 2. they are in denial or 3. if they tell you, what would motivate you to be in their boat and have any children of your own?
Now I am not naive..I read what to expect when you are expecting, and what to expect the first years...toddler years...and I have one thing to say..they left a bunch of shit out!! LOL When we brought Jack home from the hospital, looked at each other like "WTH do we do now?" are we suppose to be stimulating him? Then lets talk about breast feeding. I am a big fan...but when someone said its so natural..yea the only thing natural is the milk coming out of my breasts. Its odd, awkward, and painful. Its stressful and you are constantly wondering in that first week before your milk comes in if the baby is even getting enough nutrition. And let's face it, its time consuming. And when you finally do get the hang of it (took me like 2 weeks before I wouldn't bawl while I was doing it), there are other worries. Like when I wanted to go out without Jack for the first time. Or have a drink. So I took up pumping. What a funny image. Here I am with a double pump (to make it go quicker) and I have it on full speed (even though the instructions clearly tell me not to, which I want to say...then why in the hell have that speed), and I'm watching Oprah while listening to the pump and watching the magic liquid gold go into the bottles. oh, yes folks...its gold.. The most tragic times is when you have gone out drinking and know that if you feed your baby that milk, it will most likely make them sleep too long, so you have to do the whole pump and dump thing. I used to cry everytime I would pour it down the sink.
So here was the first process to parenting..then of course comes the "cry it out" method. Which is totally refuted by some, but Zach refused and still does to have a family bed. I, out of pure tiredness, would have succumbed if her weren't there. Usually, the 3 am feedings or wake ups were the times that Zach and I fought the most. We called each other some HORRID names. So horrid that they would probably be bleeped from this blog. Then, groggily, in the morning, we would hold our heads down in shame and apologize to one another, thus the new rule of anything between midnight and 4 am that was said didn't count. That fixed that problem.
Then the process of learning to share. With your child. LOL It's like kindergarten all over. We had to share everything including time alone. So sex was non-existence. which made our night time fights even MORE interesting. And as soon as you get the hang of it all...guess what....YOU ARE PREGNANT again!!!! yay!!
So the second time around, I was ready. I felt as if the first time was just because I was inexperienced, hahahaha what a lie. Now you have a whole new set of issues....two kids competing for attention. and the fact that Lucy wanted nothing to do with her father for teh first 3 months didn't help matters.
So they grow up, you yell, they yell, you fail at things, they fail at things, and its a process. We are still VERY much into our process. and will be until we die. now Grandkids will be fun...payback time. But for now do you know what I REALLY want. I want to go to the bathroom and do my business without somebody walking in, or when I get smart and lock the door, somebody handing me notes under the door, or insistently beating on the door. Or the best yet....they fight while I am in there. And the funny thing, they want absolutely NOTHING to do with me, until I go into the bathroom. Please....just let mommy pee in Peace!
the process of being a parent. Do you see that people....its a process!! And boy can I attest to that. I mentioned earlier that we self grade our parenting abilities, and more for sanity than anything else, but this blog is going to be the skinny about what the process really means and is. And as a disclaimer (because I know people will say..it goes by so fast so enjoy it, or some people would gladly love the experience, or think of those who have lost their children, etc etc) so my disclaimer is this: I understand all of the above, I live with the fear of losing Lucy everyday. Cancer has done so much to add to that fear, BUT...it does NOT change the fact that parenthood is a struggle and has tons of ups and downs...but along with that is a lot of funnies. And truths...lots of truths..truths that many people don't tell you because either 1. they forget 2. they are in denial or 3. if they tell you, what would motivate you to be in their boat and have any children of your own?
Now I am not naive..I read what to expect when you are expecting, and what to expect the first years...toddler years...and I have one thing to say..they left a bunch of shit out!! LOL When we brought Jack home from the hospital, looked at each other like "WTH do we do now?" are we suppose to be stimulating him? Then lets talk about breast feeding. I am a big fan...but when someone said its so natural..yea the only thing natural is the milk coming out of my breasts. Its odd, awkward, and painful. Its stressful and you are constantly wondering in that first week before your milk comes in if the baby is even getting enough nutrition. And let's face it, its time consuming. And when you finally do get the hang of it (took me like 2 weeks before I wouldn't bawl while I was doing it), there are other worries. Like when I wanted to go out without Jack for the first time. Or have a drink. So I took up pumping. What a funny image. Here I am with a double pump (to make it go quicker) and I have it on full speed (even though the instructions clearly tell me not to, which I want to say...then why in the hell have that speed), and I'm watching Oprah while listening to the pump and watching the magic liquid gold go into the bottles. oh, yes folks...its gold.. The most tragic times is when you have gone out drinking and know that if you feed your baby that milk, it will most likely make them sleep too long, so you have to do the whole pump and dump thing. I used to cry everytime I would pour it down the sink.
So here was the first process to parenting..then of course comes the "cry it out" method. Which is totally refuted by some, but Zach refused and still does to have a family bed. I, out of pure tiredness, would have succumbed if her weren't there. Usually, the 3 am feedings or wake ups were the times that Zach and I fought the most. We called each other some HORRID names. So horrid that they would probably be bleeped from this blog. Then, groggily, in the morning, we would hold our heads down in shame and apologize to one another, thus the new rule of anything between midnight and 4 am that was said didn't count. That fixed that problem.
Then the process of learning to share. With your child. LOL It's like kindergarten all over. We had to share everything including time alone. So sex was non-existence. which made our night time fights even MORE interesting. And as soon as you get the hang of it all...guess what....YOU ARE PREGNANT again!!!! yay!!
So the second time around, I was ready. I felt as if the first time was just because I was inexperienced, hahahaha what a lie. Now you have a whole new set of issues....two kids competing for attention. and the fact that Lucy wanted nothing to do with her father for teh first 3 months didn't help matters.
So they grow up, you yell, they yell, you fail at things, they fail at things, and its a process. We are still VERY much into our process. and will be until we die. now Grandkids will be fun...payback time. But for now do you know what I REALLY want. I want to go to the bathroom and do my business without somebody walking in, or when I get smart and lock the door, somebody handing me notes under the door, or insistently beating on the door. Or the best yet....they fight while I am in there. And the funny thing, they want absolutely NOTHING to do with me, until I go into the bathroom. Please....just let mommy pee in Peace!
Monday, March 19, 2012
Ho Hum...ho hum..
I have a need to blog. I have no specific topic or reason. We haven't even had a major event that has lit the belly in my fire to write. I just really feel like writing. Not that my blogs are usually all neat and in order and follow the simple story telling pattern, but this one, I feel will be more rambling than normal.
The past week has been a busy one. We have tried to keep our minds away from the last spinal tap result, thus creating things to keep idle. For example, it is very very warm in Illinois for the middle of March. So warm, in fact, the grass is already a beautiful shade of green, and it has hit the 80's. We had our first bonfire of the season and Sunday spent the entire day on the deck while the kids rode their bikes. I have decided that is a good representation of how summer is going to be for us. This will be my last summer working from home, so I intend to do the majority of it on the deck while letting the kids play outside. I also decided to find the summer clothes bins and inventory what we had. Good news: Jack and Lucy should have plenty of shorts, bad news, all my clothes are too big (isn't that a shame) ha! Also you can tell the kids have grown in height because all their shirts look like crop tops! hahaha fortunately, we are reliving the 80's it seems, so we may be able to pull the look off ;) OR....I have it budgeted into the next paycheck to buy clothes for all of us. So, whats the problem with getting out the tub of summer clothes...we all know the answer to this. That means we have to go through all the closets, purge the winter clothes, bag up what doesn't fit, put the rest in bins..and then of course the laundry. UGH I would be creative and innovative simply to make my life with laundry a more efficient task. I hate laundry. Zach does the majority of the laundry.....actually, let me rephrase that, he throws them in the washer then the dryer then the laundry baskets. I am really getting used to this and trying not to complain because at least the clothes are clean..wrinkly, but clean. And I don't iron. I think I took the iron out once and the kids were like "wow!! what is THAT??" I told them nothing and not to get their hopes up. lol So...as I sit here I think the compelling reason I felt the need to write was to avoid the laundry that has overtaken our couch. As I look to my right, all I want to do is pretend I didn't do that. lol
Ok, talking about laziness and ingenuity, my uncle called me yesterday to check up on Lucy. He asked "so what are you guys up to today?" I said "we decided to stay outside on the deck all day to avoid cleaning and looking at our messy house" he said "oh, we just leave the house when its a mess" HAHAHAHA I can totally relate. We have done that before! When Jack was a baby, I stayed home with him for the first 10 months. Zach bit his tongue for as long as he could then he told me that I HAD to go back to work. I was and still am a horrible housewife. I spent all day playing dress up with Jack! lol and taking pictures and going to lunch and shopping with my best friend. I acted like I had a maid or money. Which of course, I had neither.
So as I am telling about what I am NOT good at, I can tell you that I am a good cook, and I enjoy that (guess who cleans up?) I am a good mother. I may lose my cool from time to time, but I'm pretty clever and crafty with the kids. I am an EXCELLENT parent to my pets ;) I worship Taco and my previous dog Scrappy. I am a good wife. That did NOT come naturally. I had to work VERY VERY hard on that one. But I am proud to say that my selfishness has decreased, and I really do love my husband with all my heart. I'm a pretty funny person. Zach helped to bring out that humor, and believe it or not so did cancer. Do I think cancer is funny? absolutely NOT. I curse it. But when you have to live with everyday in your child, you either laugh or cry. And I'm not into the blubbering crying and making my nose all stuffed up and my eyes all swollen (at least not all the time). So I choose laughter. I try to always choose laughter. I am honest. Sometimes brutally honest. That is something that wasn't always there either. I used to lie. And about stupid stuff,mostly just to not hurt people's feelings or to get myself out of trouble. Now I figure I'm in so deep if I tell the truth Karma will be nice to me :) Ok, so since I said I was honest, I must tell you that from time to time, I lie to Zach! hahahaha Like about how much money something cost or I go shopping and hide what I buy and bring it out a month later. But he always notices...lol so I never get away with those lies. And he laughs at me and says "why do you even try?" I also lie to the kids sometimes. I tell them my favorite chocolate is all gone when I really have a stash, oh and of course there is the Easter bunny, Santa, Leprechauns, tooth fairy, and the boogie man.....ok ok so I don't tell them there is a boogie man, but one time in a horrible parent mood, I told Jack there was a bear outside his window. It was not funny, and yet I believe I almost wet myself after I did it. I got an F that day for parenting. Oh, yes....I almost forgot, we grade ourselves every night on how we did as parents. Its fun. We get lots of C's some weeks, and other times flat out F's. But when we get an A, we talk about it for WEEKS...months even. :)
Sigh....I am to the end of my ramble for the evening and guess what...yep, laundry is still sitting there and fat ass (aka Taco) is laying on top of it. Guess I better wash it, dry it, and throw it in a laundry basket. Only I'll do Zach one up and put all the baskets of clothes right next to his side of the bed so he has to climb over them to get in bed.....hehehehehe...did I mention that I'm smart?
The past week has been a busy one. We have tried to keep our minds away from the last spinal tap result, thus creating things to keep idle. For example, it is very very warm in Illinois for the middle of March. So warm, in fact, the grass is already a beautiful shade of green, and it has hit the 80's. We had our first bonfire of the season and Sunday spent the entire day on the deck while the kids rode their bikes. I have decided that is a good representation of how summer is going to be for us. This will be my last summer working from home, so I intend to do the majority of it on the deck while letting the kids play outside. I also decided to find the summer clothes bins and inventory what we had. Good news: Jack and Lucy should have plenty of shorts, bad news, all my clothes are too big (isn't that a shame) ha! Also you can tell the kids have grown in height because all their shirts look like crop tops! hahaha fortunately, we are reliving the 80's it seems, so we may be able to pull the look off ;) OR....I have it budgeted into the next paycheck to buy clothes for all of us. So, whats the problem with getting out the tub of summer clothes...we all know the answer to this. That means we have to go through all the closets, purge the winter clothes, bag up what doesn't fit, put the rest in bins..and then of course the laundry. UGH I would be creative and innovative simply to make my life with laundry a more efficient task. I hate laundry. Zach does the majority of the laundry.....actually, let me rephrase that, he throws them in the washer then the dryer then the laundry baskets. I am really getting used to this and trying not to complain because at least the clothes are clean..wrinkly, but clean. And I don't iron. I think I took the iron out once and the kids were like "wow!! what is THAT??" I told them nothing and not to get their hopes up. lol So...as I sit here I think the compelling reason I felt the need to write was to avoid the laundry that has overtaken our couch. As I look to my right, all I want to do is pretend I didn't do that. lol
Ok, talking about laziness and ingenuity, my uncle called me yesterday to check up on Lucy. He asked "so what are you guys up to today?" I said "we decided to stay outside on the deck all day to avoid cleaning and looking at our messy house" he said "oh, we just leave the house when its a mess" HAHAHAHA I can totally relate. We have done that before! When Jack was a baby, I stayed home with him for the first 10 months. Zach bit his tongue for as long as he could then he told me that I HAD to go back to work. I was and still am a horrible housewife. I spent all day playing dress up with Jack! lol and taking pictures and going to lunch and shopping with my best friend. I acted like I had a maid or money. Which of course, I had neither.
So as I am telling about what I am NOT good at, I can tell you that I am a good cook, and I enjoy that (guess who cleans up?) I am a good mother. I may lose my cool from time to time, but I'm pretty clever and crafty with the kids. I am an EXCELLENT parent to my pets ;) I worship Taco and my previous dog Scrappy. I am a good wife. That did NOT come naturally. I had to work VERY VERY hard on that one. But I am proud to say that my selfishness has decreased, and I really do love my husband with all my heart. I'm a pretty funny person. Zach helped to bring out that humor, and believe it or not so did cancer. Do I think cancer is funny? absolutely NOT. I curse it. But when you have to live with everyday in your child, you either laugh or cry. And I'm not into the blubbering crying and making my nose all stuffed up and my eyes all swollen (at least not all the time). So I choose laughter. I try to always choose laughter. I am honest. Sometimes brutally honest. That is something that wasn't always there either. I used to lie. And about stupid stuff,mostly just to not hurt people's feelings or to get myself out of trouble. Now I figure I'm in so deep if I tell the truth Karma will be nice to me :) Ok, so since I said I was honest, I must tell you that from time to time, I lie to Zach! hahahaha Like about how much money something cost or I go shopping and hide what I buy and bring it out a month later. But he always notices...lol so I never get away with those lies. And he laughs at me and says "why do you even try?" I also lie to the kids sometimes. I tell them my favorite chocolate is all gone when I really have a stash, oh and of course there is the Easter bunny, Santa, Leprechauns, tooth fairy, and the boogie man.....ok ok so I don't tell them there is a boogie man, but one time in a horrible parent mood, I told Jack there was a bear outside his window. It was not funny, and yet I believe I almost wet myself after I did it. I got an F that day for parenting. Oh, yes....I almost forgot, we grade ourselves every night on how we did as parents. Its fun. We get lots of C's some weeks, and other times flat out F's. But when we get an A, we talk about it for WEEKS...months even. :)
Sigh....I am to the end of my ramble for the evening and guess what...yep, laundry is still sitting there and fat ass (aka Taco) is laying on top of it. Guess I better wash it, dry it, and throw it in a laundry basket. Only I'll do Zach one up and put all the baskets of clothes right next to his side of the bed so he has to climb over them to get in bed.....hehehehehe...did I mention that I'm smart?
Monday, March 12, 2012
Another Nail Biter
We had a fine time in Memphis, everything went like it normally does with the exception that we took Jack with us this time around. It was actually nice for him to come and see what we do there. For him to remember why we go there and see what Lucy does while we are there. I think sometimes he thinks its all fun and games at the Ronald Mcdonald House. Plus it was nice to have some family time even if it was just in the van :)
We got done fairly early on Wednesday and decided to go ahead and make the trek home. We got a phone call around 9 pm from our nurse, Martha May. She told us that she wanted to let us know that they found a blast in Lucy's spinal fluid again :( Just like back in September. Last time there were 4, this time just one. It was a total let down and I nearly had a nervous break down for the remainder of the trip home. Martha May waited to call us because she wanted Dr. Pui to take a look and give him opinion before calling us. He said he thought it was fine. He said the risk of her having a CNS relapse is so low, and that this has happened before and then she had two clear spinals afterwards, so if it was a relapse, there would have been more than one blast regardless of the chemo she gets. So we go back in 6 weeks, then follow up again in 6 weeks. She has to have 2 clear spinals in a row to be considered in the clear.
This last week was also a dex week so those are rough, and so it the 5 days following. She is always in so much pain from the vincristine chemo she was given Wednesday. And the dex helps to mask the pain a bit, so when she goes off the dex, the pain really kicks in, which is today.
Anyhow, just really wanted to give a short update. I'm pretty stressed out right now and going to try to find an outlet for that stress. Thank goodness for nice weather, looks like a nice long walk/run will be helpful this week.
We got done fairly early on Wednesday and decided to go ahead and make the trek home. We got a phone call around 9 pm from our nurse, Martha May. She told us that she wanted to let us know that they found a blast in Lucy's spinal fluid again :( Just like back in September. Last time there were 4, this time just one. It was a total let down and I nearly had a nervous break down for the remainder of the trip home. Martha May waited to call us because she wanted Dr. Pui to take a look and give him opinion before calling us. He said he thought it was fine. He said the risk of her having a CNS relapse is so low, and that this has happened before and then she had two clear spinals afterwards, so if it was a relapse, there would have been more than one blast regardless of the chemo she gets. So we go back in 6 weeks, then follow up again in 6 weeks. She has to have 2 clear spinals in a row to be considered in the clear.
This last week was also a dex week so those are rough, and so it the 5 days following. She is always in so much pain from the vincristine chemo she was given Wednesday. And the dex helps to mask the pain a bit, so when she goes off the dex, the pain really kicks in, which is today.
Anyhow, just really wanted to give a short update. I'm pretty stressed out right now and going to try to find an outlet for that stress. Thank goodness for nice weather, looks like a nice long walk/run will be helpful this week.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
I'm back.......
So I'm not sure if it's the anticipation of today, the fact the air is so incredibly dry, or just because it seems familiar, but I'm up at 5 am. Actually I was up at 4:30. We stayed at the Ronald McDonald house last night and in their wonderful remodeled rooms and it was and is absolutely awesome. We got here in time for dinner, they were serving tacos, and then the kids just ran and played all night. They also have this game where every week they hide a tiny Ronald McDonald doll and whoever finds it gets a prize, so we went on the hunt for that last night. Daddy found it but let jack "find" it. Boy was Lucy mad!! Ha! She tried to sweet talk and cry her way into a prize herself. We said no go. Then you know what she did??!! She played the cancer card!! Hahahah first time ever! She said "well I'm the one with cancer" we said no no no no. You may have the disease but our entire family lives with it too, especially jack. So nice try, but it won't work on us. Little booger.
Then we crashed. Well we attempted to crash. The kids were in the same bed and goofing off for a good hour. So we made them switch and I slept with jack and daddy slept with Lucy.
So now here I sit with my cup of coffee and out on the porch with the resident cat Cinderella. She seems to have a new friend. He is a smaller kitty with what looks like a mask from the lone ranger. He doesn't live here because as I approached, he ran away. Ahhh familiar. I know we had some of our hardest times while staying here, but it's still a comfort to walk in the doors. We always feel like we are home. How many places can you truly say that about?
This morning Lucy gets her last lumbar puncture with chemo!! Yay!! And we don't return to Memphis until July!! Slowly but surely our abnormal is starting to become a lot more manageable. Dex starts today, so not looking forward to that! Every pulse is worst than the last. And it usually only takes one pill.
Well I'm going to refill my coffee and enjoy the quiet before the madness hits. Ps. I made the coffee this morning, I'm not sure if the security guard still does or if it's even the same one. But just in case, thought I would leave a sweet surprise for somebody else to start their morning off right.
Then we crashed. Well we attempted to crash. The kids were in the same bed and goofing off for a good hour. So we made them switch and I slept with jack and daddy slept with Lucy.
So now here I sit with my cup of coffee and out on the porch with the resident cat Cinderella. She seems to have a new friend. He is a smaller kitty with what looks like a mask from the lone ranger. He doesn't live here because as I approached, he ran away. Ahhh familiar. I know we had some of our hardest times while staying here, but it's still a comfort to walk in the doors. We always feel like we are home. How many places can you truly say that about?
This morning Lucy gets her last lumbar puncture with chemo!! Yay!! And we don't return to Memphis until July!! Slowly but surely our abnormal is starting to become a lot more manageable. Dex starts today, so not looking forward to that! Every pulse is worst than the last. And it usually only takes one pill.
Well I'm going to refill my coffee and enjoy the quiet before the madness hits. Ps. I made the coffee this morning, I'm not sure if the security guard still does or if it's even the same one. But just in case, thought I would leave a sweet surprise for somebody else to start their morning off right.
Friday, March 2, 2012
Our dirty little secrets....ssshhhh
I haven't told a confession in a long time. I think the last time was that I was secretly in love with the security guard at RMH because he had coffee made by 5 am everyday. A couple of my other cancer moms were talking about dex week, and I was laughing so hard, So, I feel the need to confess again. Things that should not under any other circumstance be funny, have grown to be quite the entertainment at our house. How do we get by people ask? Through humor and coping....some inappropriate and some just plain funny. Here is a list of ten of our dirty little secrets, these are in no particular order and just a sampling of how we have changed our lives to fit our new "normal".
1. When Lucy lost all her hair. We used to call her Uncle Fester. We couldn't help it. She had no idea who we were talking about having never seen the Addams family. So she would giggle just as much as we did.
2. When Lucy is on steroids, we call her Lucifer and Sybil, and even Raegan from the Exorcist. Of course not to her face but to each other as in code for which face of Lucy you are going to see today.
3. The first time we came home from Memphis, Lucy was standing on a chair watching the microwave, and Zach said "don't get too close to that, it causes......" We busted up laughing. Then months down the road we heard Steve Mazan tell the SAME joke.
4. We have funny rituals we also do while Lucy is on steroids. We don't make eye contact with her, you never make eye contact. You go to the store and try to stock up on what you think her craving is going to be, and then laugh when you find out it changes. And we play the game "not it" a lot during that week. You know where something needs to be done and whoever says 123 not it first, wins. Yes, we are 30 year olds who play that a lot. During Dex week, we eat in the laundry room. We hide from lucy. We even take our favorite foods and hide them.
4. It used to be weird to say or write the word chemo or chemotherapy. Now we use it a lot. We use it in such phrases as "Kid for sale comes with her own chemo and food" And we feel like we have a right to say it as much as we want in any context we want.
5. We aren't as good parents regarding rules and strictness to Lucy as we were/are to Jack. We realize this isn't right. You should be fair to all your children. But when dex comes into play, its like having a house full of ladies on their period. We give in a lot more than normal. Just to make her happy and the noise and madness stop.
6. We take prescription medication and aren't ashamed of it. We actually embrace it and have our jokes surrounding that. We would like a pez dispenser. It would be much easier to dispense and store. But we are afraid the kids will think its candy and steal our stash.
7.We have given up on Jack's homework for a week before. We were so tired. We actually told him good luck on his spelling test and that he was on his own. Of course he failed miserably and we felt like horrible parents, but it was sooo nice not having to study for a spelling test for a week.
8. We enjoy adult beverages more than we did pre-cancer. Even on Monday nights.
9. Sometimes when we have had a really really bad and long day but find our minds still racing, we take children's benadryl to help us fall asleep. double dose.
10.We have learned that we cannot have a conversation while both children are present. For some reason they want nothing to do with us until we want to talk. So we have texting...thank goodness for unlimited data plans.
1. When Lucy lost all her hair. We used to call her Uncle Fester. We couldn't help it. She had no idea who we were talking about having never seen the Addams family. So she would giggle just as much as we did.
2. When Lucy is on steroids, we call her Lucifer and Sybil, and even Raegan from the Exorcist. Of course not to her face but to each other as in code for which face of Lucy you are going to see today.
3. The first time we came home from Memphis, Lucy was standing on a chair watching the microwave, and Zach said "don't get too close to that, it causes......" We busted up laughing. Then months down the road we heard Steve Mazan tell the SAME joke.
4. We have funny rituals we also do while Lucy is on steroids. We don't make eye contact with her, you never make eye contact. You go to the store and try to stock up on what you think her craving is going to be, and then laugh when you find out it changes. And we play the game "not it" a lot during that week. You know where something needs to be done and whoever says 123 not it first, wins. Yes, we are 30 year olds who play that a lot. During Dex week, we eat in the laundry room. We hide from lucy. We even take our favorite foods and hide them.
4. It used to be weird to say or write the word chemo or chemotherapy. Now we use it a lot. We use it in such phrases as "Kid for sale comes with her own chemo and food" And we feel like we have a right to say it as much as we want in any context we want.
5. We aren't as good parents regarding rules and strictness to Lucy as we were/are to Jack. We realize this isn't right. You should be fair to all your children. But when dex comes into play, its like having a house full of ladies on their period. We give in a lot more than normal. Just to make her happy and the noise and madness stop.
6. We take prescription medication and aren't ashamed of it. We actually embrace it and have our jokes surrounding that. We would like a pez dispenser. It would be much easier to dispense and store. But we are afraid the kids will think its candy and steal our stash.
7.We have given up on Jack's homework for a week before. We were so tired. We actually told him good luck on his spelling test and that he was on his own. Of course he failed miserably and we felt like horrible parents, but it was sooo nice not having to study for a spelling test for a week.
8. We enjoy adult beverages more than we did pre-cancer. Even on Monday nights.
9. Sometimes when we have had a really really bad and long day but find our minds still racing, we take children's benadryl to help us fall asleep. double dose.
10.We have learned that we cannot have a conversation while both children are present. For some reason they want nothing to do with us until we want to talk. So we have texting...thank goodness for unlimited data plans.
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