Parenthood: definition: may refer to
the process of being a parent. Do you see that people....its a process!! And boy can I attest to that. I mentioned earlier that we self grade our parenting abilities, and more for sanity than anything else, but this blog is going to be the skinny about what the process really means and is. And as a disclaimer (because I know people will say..it goes by so fast so enjoy it, or some people would gladly love the experience, or think of those who have lost their children, etc etc) so my disclaimer is this: I understand all of the above, I live with the fear of losing Lucy everyday. Cancer has done so much to add to that fear, BUT...it does NOT change the fact that parenthood is a struggle and has tons of ups and downs...but along with that is a lot of funnies. And truths...lots of truths..truths that many people don't tell you because either 1. they forget 2. they are in denial or 3. if they tell you, what would motivate you to be in their boat and have any children of your own?
Now I am not naive..I read what to expect when you are expecting, and what to expect the first years...toddler years...and I have one thing to say..they left a bunch of shit out!! LOL When we brought Jack home from the hospital, looked at each other like "WTH do we do now?" are we suppose to be stimulating him? Then lets talk about breast feeding. I am a big fan...but when someone said its so natural..yea the only thing natural is the milk coming out of my breasts. Its odd, awkward, and painful. Its stressful and you are constantly wondering in that first week before your milk comes in if the baby is even getting enough nutrition. And let's face it, its time consuming. And when you finally do get the hang of it (took me like 2 weeks before I wouldn't bawl while I was doing it), there are other worries. Like when I wanted to go out without Jack for the first time. Or have a drink. So I took up pumping. What a funny image. Here I am with a double pump (to make it go quicker) and I have it on full speed (even though the instructions clearly tell me not to, which I want to say...then why in the hell have that speed), and I'm watching Oprah while listening to the pump and watching the magic liquid gold go into the bottles. oh, yes folks...its gold.. The most tragic times is when you have gone out drinking and know that if you feed your baby that milk, it will most likely make them sleep too long, so you have to do the whole pump and dump thing. I used to cry everytime I would pour it down the sink.
So here was the first process to parenting..then of course comes the "cry it out" method. Which is totally refuted by some, but Zach refused and still does to have a family bed. I, out of pure tiredness, would have succumbed if her weren't there. Usually, the 3 am feedings or wake ups were the times that Zach and I fought the most. We called each other some HORRID names. So horrid that they would probably be bleeped from this blog. Then, groggily, in the morning, we would hold our heads down in shame and apologize to one another, thus the new rule of anything between midnight and 4 am that was said didn't count. That fixed that problem.
Then the process of learning to share. With your child. LOL It's like kindergarten all over. We had to share everything including time alone. So sex was non-existence. which made our night time fights even MORE interesting. And as soon as you get the hang of it all...guess what....YOU ARE PREGNANT again!!!! yay!!
So the second time around, I was ready. I felt as if the first time was just because I was inexperienced, hahahaha what a lie. Now you have a whole new set of issues....two kids competing for attention. and the fact that Lucy wanted nothing to do with her father for teh first 3 months didn't help matters.
So they grow up, you yell, they yell, you fail at things, they fail at things, and its a process. We are still VERY much into our process. and will be until we die. now Grandkids will be fun...payback time. But for now do you know what I REALLY want. I want to go to the bathroom and do my business without somebody walking in, or when I get smart and lock the door, somebody handing me notes under the door, or insistently beating on the door. Or the best yet....they fight while I am in there. And the funny thing, they want absolutely NOTHING to do with me, until I go into the bathroom. Please....just let mommy pee in Peace!
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