Everlasting gobstopper and lickable wall paper

Oh yes, we all know the words to Willy Wonka (the old version not the creepy Johnny Depp one). Lick the wall paper, the strawberries taste like steawberries, blueberries taste like blueberries, snozzberries taste like snozzberries. "snozzberry? Who has ever heard of a snozzberry?" Well, I have!! They label it under such names as Xanax, kolonopin, Zoloft, Wellbutrin, etc. And it's just for adults. Any adult, but those with children are probably more apt to take such things, and those with an ill child SHOULD take such things!
We have this discussion often in one of my cancer mom groups. Who takes what? Does it help? How do I get it? What do I say to the doctor? I don't want to tell them I'm crazy? Or will they think I'm crazy if I ask for it? These are all the questions, discussions, etc we have. And I have always had an answer for all of them.
I'm no longer afraid of what "people may think" or how they may label me. Coming from a family with a looong history of mental illness (I hate that term), I finally accepted my fate long before Lucy got sick. I fought it for years. As a teen, I chose eating disorders and OCD, as a young adult, I just charged through the manias and did a lot of damage along the way and spent a lot of time isolated during my fallouts. Well, after I had kids, I no longer had that option of nursing my illness back to "normal". And postpartum, it got worse. I'm classified as a mild bipolar 2. Basically I have periods of mania (highs where I have tons of energy and sometimes not the best judgement), and then I crash. I crash into a depression that hardly allows me to get out of bed. I quickly realize what damage I have done during a mania (committed to too much, spent too much money, ect). It takes much longer to get out of a depression.
I tried many drugs as soon as the depression would hit and then after it was over, I would stop taking medicine because it stifled my highs. And I loved my highs. I rationalized each time that I wouldn't let it get out of control. And at the time, I had no clue of my diagnosis, I was just going based on past events. And I refused to believe I had an illness at all. What a horrible label! Crazy! Ugh.
Then I had Jack. I had postpartum horrible. And I didn't recognize it. It wasn't the kind where I felt I may hurt my child, but the kind where I wouldn't leave the house. Zach noticed it first. So at my 6 week check up, I talked to my doctor, and was put on Zoloft. Wow!! What a difference after 2 weeks. Even I noticed it and felt it. And I liked it! I was truly happy and not speeding, like a mania. Well soon after Jack turned one, we decided to try for another child, so I went off of my Meds. And I also learned during that time, I had hypothyroidism. Depression is caused by hypothyroidism, specifically bipolar 2 (of course I don't know this at the time).
I got pregnant, had Lucy, and this time demanded zoloft as soon as she was popped out! I did NOT want to experience post partum again. And it worked! During the first year of Lucy's life, something happened. The drug no longer "helped". I wasn't in a deep depression, but I had no happy feelings either. I was just blah. I worked with my OB and even went to mayo where my thyroid condition was upped to hashimatos disease. We tried different medicines, and for a while, I was on a roller coaster ride. Then Lucy got sick. I couldn't stop crying. And of course, that was very normal. But Lucy hated it when I cried. So this time, I consulted an actual psychiatrist. We talked about my history, family history of both depression and hypothyroidism. And he prescribed me three different medications.
I was like "hey, I'm all for getting better, but I hate taking so much medicine, and I really want to be able to "feel"." I explained how I often would go off medication because it made me feel nothing and I missed my manias. He assured me, the cocktail he gave me would allow me to feel, but help me to manage my feelings. He also suggested I see a counselor. Ugh again! I'd tried the counselor route SEVERAL times and it always failed. But I knew with Lucy being sick, I had to have control over at least one thing. So I went through lots of counselors. And my doctor said, if you don't like them, find somebody new. What a concept??!!! I could fire a counselor??!! I had no idea. And that's what I did. I took the cocktail of medication, I began blogging, and I fired a lot of counselors until I found the "one". The one who, at first, I was skeptical. Then who I fell in love with. (not literally of course). He challenged me, he explained scientifically why I was bipolar 2, and he actually diagnosed it. Before then, I was just "depressed". He helped me to realize why I needed medication, how to get the most out of my medication, how to balance my hashimatos and my depression, and most importantly how to come to terms with reality. My daughter has cancer and it could possibly take her life. I was so mad when he made that statement. Now, I'm glad he made me realize it.
Between my liberal psychiatrist who believes that living through chemistry is not something to be ashamed of and it's about finding what's right for your body, life, and situation, and my counselor who helped to explain why am I am how I am, I have found the right snozzberry and ever lasting gobstopper. My world isn't all lickable wall paper (although it should be), nor is it a world filled with chocolate rivers and candy filled tea cups, it is for all intents and purposes close enough. I live in reality, but understand that every once in a while we all need to escape and may need the help of others or snozzberries. And snozzberries are very real in my world. At least they are now.
So when we have this discussion in my cancer mom's group. I'm the first to offer my story, opinion, and I never label anyone as depressed or crazy. I simply tell them they need their everlasting gobstopper or happy pill to help them get through life.
Now, if they ever made kolonopin or Xanax as wall paper, you'd better believe, I would have NO problem redecorating and licking the walls.....often!!!