Cancer affects the ENTIRE family. PERIOD!

Yesterday was a super emotional day for me.  Man by bedtime, I was so spent and emotionally drained, I can honestly say that hasn't happened in a long time.  And it had everything to with cancer.  FU Cancer.  Jack has obviously had some issues with this whole "my sister has cancer and cancer sometimes makes people die" thing.  Yes, its a "Thing".  Because while we firmly believe that will NOT be the case with Lucy, it still lingers in his 7 year old mind.  And he acts out from time to time. The boy has a temper (like his father) and lots of pent up anger and no where to take it.  We have him in counseling.  We have put him in lots of camps this summer to keep him busy, occupied, and most of all let him get his energy out.  We also make sure we spend 1x1 time with every Wednesday while Lucy is at clinic.  Zach and Jack days consist of Star Wars movies.  Jack and I time consists of board games or science experiments.
Well, he still has a big temper and lots of anger despite our best efforts.  We have taken him for all sorts of testing for ADHD, behavioral issues, mild spectrum autism,  you name it.  The psychiatrist basically said "he is a very intelligent little boy who is surrounded with a lot of stress and his world is turned upside down now and has been for the last 18 months.  He also has this notion that he does what Jack wants to do, period".  We tried behavior charts, reward charts, cleared his room of all but a bed and clothes.  He even doesn't have video games anymore.  That's how far we took it. We also have added special time just for him.  Well, he still has meltdowns, and they are getting worse, and he is getting stronger.  We asked his psychiatrist what we should do.  His answer and the answer of other counselors.  When he gets violent and is hitting, you can put him in a hold (we even had to practice the hold in the office), and if that doesn't help, you need to call the police.  I was like "WHAT?" I most certainly will NOT call the police on my 7 year old.  Well, I ate those words last night :(
He was totally out of control.  Breaking everything in site, hitting Lucy several times (which is absolutely unacceptable.  If she wasn't sick, it'd be a different story), and punching and biting Zach.  He even left marks :(  So I did it.  I called the police.
It took a couple of hours, but the county sent out an officer.  They were reluctant as they said there isn't much they can do with a 7 year old.  We were only asking for a frank discussion about what path he is heading down if he doesn't make choices to exploit his anger in a different way. BTW, what got him so mad?  He had to take turns watching tv shows with Lucy.  That was it.
The officer comes out, and Zach and I go out to talk to him.  He kept asking "What medications is he on, what has he been diagnosed with, and has he had any testing?"  We kept telling them none, and no, and even explained how far we have gone to help this issue.  He didn't believe us, we could tell.  We told him, he was genuinely a good kid, with a world that has been turned upside down.  He asked what we wanted from him.  We told him we were acting on the advise of our counselor.  We have explained to Jack what will happen if he ever hits somebody in public, and we don't think he believed us.  We wanted a third party to explain it to him.  I could tell the officer was skeptical.  As if I didn't feel bad enough for making the call, now he made me feel like an idiot. And I know it wasn't intentional.  I think he thought we were parents who didn't want to have to parent and were pushing it off on someone else.
After a discussion outside, he came inside to talk to Jack. And all I can say is Jack was such a little man.  He looked the officer in the eyes, his chin quivered while the officer explained what would happen if this continued.  It absolutely broke my heart and I almost broke down and bawled.  The officer told him that we said he was a good and smart kid, but that he was called because of his temper and violent tendencies, and then he proceeded to show him what would happen if he didn't find another outlet for his behavior.  Jack was shown the handcuffs, the taser, the car. Even explained about juvenile detention and foster homes.  The officer said he didn't think Jack belonged there as we didn't either, but there had to be something done about him destroying things, and hurting people.  This was quite possibly the second worst day of my life.  First being Lucy's diagnosis day.
After the officer left we talked to Jack about how he was there to protect us because Jack was hurting us and Lucy, and that if somebody was hurting Jack, he would be right there to protect him as well.  We don't want him to fear the police always, we want him to understand their role. We had a good discussion after he left.  I was so proud that he didn't cry and he was very respectful, which also made me feel horrible for having to do that. We also scheduled a follow up with his counselor so he could talk more freely about it without us there.
I still don't know if we made the right decision.  But yesterday was horrible.  I was in tears because he was hurting everyone and throwing everything in sight. He broke his door off the hinges, and kicked the door frame out.  He was out of control.  And we weren't even yelling while trying to calm him down.  I still think we need to find a way to help him cope with his anger and let it out, we are still working on what that "thing" is.
So while this isn't my most proud moment as a mother nor do I feel good about what we had to do, I want people to know how much this horrible disease affects the entire family.  And for those people who still ask us "you mean you are still in treatment? or You are sailing now. or You should be able to go on normal" I wanted to give you a taste of what its like in our house sometimes.  Its sad.  Very sad.  I am helpless with Lucy's treatment in that I can't control her disease, and last night I felt helpless in helping my son with his own issues.  And another note, I think the officer was shocked when he walked into our home and saw how "normal" we were.  I don't know what he expected, but I guarantee it wasn't what he saw.  And he even made the comment that Jack made eye contact the entire time and was respectful.  That's why it makes me mad when the first thing people say is "he has behavioral issues and needs medication".  NO!!  He is a young boy whose life has been turned upside down by this horrible disease as has the rest of our lives.  If we as parents have a hard time coping, I can't imagine how he feels.  Yes, Kids are resilient and are better with change, but the effects last a life time.
Before I end this post, I want to let you know that I didn't write this for advice, or need any information about parenting, nor any unsolicited judgement about what we did.  We took the advice of our counselor (two of them actually).  We have gone above and beyond and still are working hard with Jack.  I wrote this so people can see what some days look like in my home.  This is the reality. This is the face of Childhood cancer.  And its heart wrenching, horrible, and sucks.  Period!