Back in the old days...

Today has been an epic day of withdraw from dexamonster.  She has proven that it truly takes two of us to take care of her during these pulses.  Of course, one of us could, but we would probably be drunk by noon or would have taken too much prescription medication to do anything but sit in a chair and stare at a blank wall.  Anyhow, day started out with her yelling me.  Why?  Because I cooked all the sausage and let her eat it all yesterday. She said "you promised to buy italian sausage, and I don't see any.  and I ate the sausage patties yesterday that you cooked, why would you let me eat all that sausage yesterday".  So, I say in my calm, not yet had a cup of coffee voice: you may have cereal, oatmeal, poptarts, or mini muffins for breakfast.  She asks "what else do we have?"  She then proceeds to open the refrigerator, slam the door.  Open the freezer, slam the door.  Open the food pantry....yep you guessed it...slam the door.  She slammed every cabinet door she could read that had food in it.  Then stomped off to her room and slammed her bedroom door, all while yelling "we have no food in this house".  I just spent $400 at the store Saturday. fml
I then go ahead and have a cup of coffee.  Lucy comes out and tells me she forgot to tell me she peed all over her bed.  So I clean her up and change her, and she decides she is ready for breakfast.  2 bananas.  Good we got that over with.  Then she goes in the play room while I sit at the table and eat my breakfast, and she starts some fights with Jack.  She goes over and pinches him.  I ask why she would do that. She says "he was making me angry and looking at me".  Then she smells my breath (I kid you not), and says why do you smell like yogurt?  I said "because I just drank some".  "eww, why would you do something so stupid like drink yogurt".  At this point, I do not make eye contact....
Jack gets sent off to school, daddy and mommy sit down on their laptops, and Lucy has nothing or no one to bother, so she starts in over the food again.  She says she's hungry and wants an orange cut up like the cafeteria does.  oh , boy...this is a tall order to fill.  Now how does the cafeteria cut their oranges?  In slices of course, easy enough...right?  OMG--NO!!  I didn't slice them thin enough, so I had to go back and do them again.  Then while I was hiding out from Lucy, she made daddy make her hot cocoa.  15 minutes later, things are calm...she's watching TV...only ate 1/2 the orange slices and drank 1/4 of the hot cocoa.  She comes in demanding more food.  We tell her she can't have any because she has wasted what we gave her...fit proceeds.  Oh, and I forgot to mention, she somehow got daddy to make toast with nutella while I wasn't looking. I think he made eye contact.  Silly man.
So, I start to make lunch, and guess who is at my feet the entire time?  yep!  I made chicken tacos.  She ate a lot of those...and then insisted on dessert.  THEN...she opens the freezer and said "guess what I just found...MORE sausage patties, this is what I want for breakfast tomorrow".
During lunch, daddy was putting new sheets on her bed and moved her pillow and he found 4 dehydrated carrots under there.  hahahaha  God only knows how long she had those hidden there.

After lunch, Lucy watched some TV, and we got yelled at...again.  This time because we wouldn't "Past forward the commercials".  So we did have a nice conversation about how when we were little, we didn't have TIVO, and that we had to (gasp) actually get up to turn the channel and watch the commercials.  She said "wow, back in the old days, you didn't have none of this stuff". I said "how old are you talking?, how old do you think we are?".  She said "well, you probably didn't have houses and stuff either, right?".  We laughed and told her we had houses, just didn't have computers or iphones, or leapster explorers.   She was mortified.  And we were happy to be off the subject of food.  If only for a few moments...