What does the "F" word have to do with the "C" word?

Can I constructively create a blog post about cursing, without using a single curse word?  THAT is my challenge.  So there are times that I lose it.  In this journey there are things that are going smoothly and there are still days that are horrid.  It seems to be cyclical.  Some occasions remind me of early diagnosis, and sometimes just seeing a picture of Lucy pre-cancer causes me to have a total meltdown either sad or angry.  It is these times that I find it appropriate to have mini-meltdowns.  Of course I don't do them in front of my children, and prefer to keep them to myself so that somebody doesn't admit me to the psych ward (even though Zach and I have often fought over who gets to go there first for a vacation).  And during these meltdowns two things occur sometimes both at the same time:  I cry or I cuss.  I do neither quietly.  I don't know what it is about cursing that makes me feel as if I have expelled the hurt, pain, fear, and sadness  They are just words.  Words can mean anything given in different context.  But knowing they are discouraged from being used in the public, makes me feel better when I lose it.
Let me give you an example in case you are not quite following what I am saying.  Ever seen National Lampoons Vacation?  Christmas or the original?  Clark is hilarious.  He tries so hard to make things perfect for his family in his own twisted sort of way.  But there comes a time when he finally realizes that everything is going down hill fast, and that is when he loses it.  During these "spells or episodes", he is cussing and yelling and going off the deep end.  Those are my most favorite parts of the movie.  Why? Because that is SO me!  ha! And I would quote what he says, but of course then I would lose my challenge about not using a single bad word in this post.
So where am I going with this?  Well I belong to a group of other moms who are currently in the same situation as me.  Their child has leukemia.  We have this group that I mentioned in my book as being a "safe" group.  It was a place where I could have mini meltdowns and still know that I wasn't being judged over it.  And usually, when others had meltdowns, it made us all feel "sane".  Like we weren't the only ones that found comfort in the bad words expelling from our mouth either with our voice or our pens.  To so many, it was satisfying to them as well.  After all, its not appropriate or even worth it for me to write down all my melt downs in my blog posts (there would definitely be over a million), and Team Lucy is a page of positive thoughts and information on her and her condition, not a place for me to "lose face".  I loved this group, I coveted it, and it was like a special club that I didn't have to share with anybody but the mamas in it.  Well, something happened to that club.  It was growing and growing and growing.  Which in itself is so sad to know that a group like that can grow so quickly in numbers when we are referring to kids with cancer.  It no longer became intimate, and we were asked not to post our vents on their anymore as to not offend anyone.  I can appreciate that.  I really can, however, it doesn't mean I wasn't heart broken.  Everybody deals with things in their own way, and to be told you aren't allowed to express yourself any longer the way your are accustom to and still feel safe, and to feel as if you are now being judged based upon it...well, it was a sad day for me.  If I can no longer vent in the way I feel most comfortable in the safest place in the world, where can I do this?  Where can I get out my frustration, anger, and even sometimes just a build up of petty little things?
When you are appealing to the masses and want to be part of  group or organization and be popular, you have to have guidelines and please everybody.  And that is not possible. You cannot please every person in a large group, but you can compromise. OR you can skip the vents or mothers who you don't align with based on certain values, and go to the ones who do share your views or even curse words here and there.  Well, compromise did NOT happen, so I was more or less scolded and chose to remove myself from the group.  I did not feel "safe" any longer.  And it still baffles me that people who are going through the worst possible situation in their lives thus far were offended by language.  By words.  So What does the "F" word have to do with the "C" word??? They are both words.  They are both dirty dirty words. They are horrible to say and feel yet one can be so satisfying to say in front of the other.  Why?? and is it just me?? maybe....but I think its a double standard to say that one word is dirtier than the other.  Considering the definition of both, its ironic that they basically mean the same thing!
Whew!  For those of you wondering....yes, I have a new group for my safe place. And yes, I failed my original goal.  I did not make it through this post without using a bad word.  I said cancer way too many times!