I had to go back and look through the blog to see what I had actually posted and when. I can't believe its been that long since I wrote something! I have felt the "need" to blog a lot lately, but was finding it hard to put into words what I wanted to say. I guess that's what they call writers block, and its frustrating.
We were very relieved to get the news about Lucy's spinal and the blast not being a blast at all. I think for 6 weeks and 2 days I was ready to punch somebody or throw things everyday. I didn't realize that, of course, during the 6 weeks, but hindsight told me that. I think I need to take up a hobby that involves destroying things. Zach suggested we get FOID cards and go to the shooting range to literally blow off steam. And a year ago, I would have dismissed that idea completely. I do not like guns. period. I don't want them in our house, I have no interest in teaching my children about hunting, and I do not see a need for people to possess pistols and such. I think they are dangerous and don't see why anybody needs to carry a concealed weapon on them. Now....with that said, I thought Zach's idea sounded pretty darn good. I would love to go shoot something and tear it up. I think the feeling would satisfy my need for destruction. So I think that is something we are seriously considering, but I am not sure I am ready to purchase a gun and keep it in my home with my children. I know I know...all you gun enthusiasts, Texans, and and NRA card carrying members will tell me about gun safety, and how guns don't kill people, and yada yada yada. I don't care, still do not want a gun in my home while my children are small...period. Ok, not sure how that got turned into a soap box..lolzzz My point was I think it would feel good to destroy something for once instead of having something destroy us. When we were remodeling the garage, we had a dumpster to put all the garbage in, and I recall throwing cans of soda from afar into the dumpster and watching it explode, and the feeling of satisfaction. And how I wanted to throw them harder and harder. I also remember when we were tearing down walls, I just wanted to take the hammer and pound on the wall. It was a nice "pop" as it went into the drywall, and it felt really good! I'm not sure if you have seen "Fight Club" with Brad Pitt and Edward Norton, but I think they had some validity to their de-stress methods. Now I don't want to beat the shit out of someone (ok maybe sometimes I do), but I don't want to get hurt! And I don't think I would be a very good fighter, but releasing that aggression is appealing. And it seems so much more satisfying than talking to a counselor. So..I am actually toying with the idea of getting my very first firearm.
I have also asked Zach if we could get a punching bag and put it in the back garage. I think that would be the next best thing to our own private fight club. Thus far my aggression strategy has been: blogging, running, going to my therapist, or taking a kolonopin. I'm not saying those methods haven't worked successfully, but I think my body still holds some stress even after I'm done. I need a physical release as well as a mental one. Running is ok, but its more satisfying that I am setting goals and attaining them. Maybe getting a physical release would reduce the amount of yelling that is done in this house (yes, I'm a yeller).
So I guess I move forward and apply for my FOID card, and start shopping for punching bags, thus starting Zach and I's personal fight club. The first rule of fight club: You never talk about fight club. The second rule of fight club: You never talk about fight club.........
:) I feel the same way about guns and my hubs has them, even carries. I also am a yeller and can look back on things and see where I was so angry and didn't even realize it. Get the bag, get the gun, grab some chocolate and put on your running shoes... whatever works is what you need. We're praying and laughing and crying with you!
ReplyDeleteIt seems like I've been following Lucy for so long that I've actually gotten to know you, Shawna. Strange as that may sound, I'll take it from this blog entry only and make my comments.
ReplyDeleteYou say you are against handguns or guns in the house, but you feel the need to destroy things. Anger and weapons of any sort don't mix; especially handguns. Yes, I'm an NRA Lifetime member and former U.S. Navy trained sniper, but that still doesn't make me an expert with people. I was even a law enforcement officer for 16 years and I just don't see your rationale in obtaining a firearm to accomplish your needs.
Your fear is simple and somewhat justified: You don't want firearms around your children. Yet, you're willing to go to the extreme and give in. If you think cancer is hurting you and your family, how do you think you can live with yourself if your child gets killed with the same handgun?
There are many other ways to take out your frustrations. Some people like yoga. I've tried it, but never found it to be effective for releasing aggression. On the other hand, I loved boxing. I still have my heavy bag and speed bag. They are great ways to blow off steam. Don't know how to start? Try martial arts. Even with a whirlwind schedule, you'll find classes are open at most times of the day. A good dojo stays open for the students, even if that means giving them a key so they can come in after hours.
When each of my children were young, around Lucy's age, I bought a pumpkin or water melon and took them out to the range. I told them to stick their little fingers in their ears and then...BOOM! Next, I put their little hands on the weapon and wrapped mine around theirs. This time they had ear protection. Sited in on the fruit and BLAM! Pieces of water melon or pumpkin went flying. By this time they were crying and I held them and explained to them that they should never touch a gun. They never have since that day. They don't like guns and they have no use for them. Well, my one daughter is a police officer and she carries on duty, but refuses to carry off duty. She doesn't like firearms, but she loves her job.
OK. So, am I a bad father because I had a weapon in the house or because I made them go through that experience? I hope not. If I did not need a weapon in the house, I probably wouldn't have had one, although I was a hunter and had rifles at the time. Still, a handgun is not something you want to have around if you've ever even had a doubt about why people want or need one. You're jumping from marbles to a cannon. Get a sling shot instead and you'll be able to use the marbles without endangering anyone's life. Well, that's subject to debate also.
Care to know why I still have one and carry one? I'm just too old to get my @ss kicked!
You'll see me post both as Robt. and Boss from A Cowboy's...Cure. Same guy. Same love for children.
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers always.
Stay safe.
God bless you all.
Robt. Puchalski, aka, Boss