Breakdowns

Today, like my last post, is all about me. Well me and my other cancer moms. It is noon, and I've had three meltdowns. Not little meltdowns. Break down bawling meltdowns. So bad the kids were staring at me like what the hell is going on.
It is a compilation of many things. First, I wake up and am not only in extreme pain (I did crossfit on Saturday so that's another story for another day), but I'm having vertigo. Not horrible, but it's lingering. I get vertigo so bad sometimes I'm literally throwing up all day and in bed. So besides feeling that "twinge" in the back of my head, I'm also having a slight panic attack. I've got way too much going on today for this to turn bad. So I grabbed an anti-anxiety med and tried to have my coffee.
Well breakdown number one came
After the kids decided to have a food fight and spit ball contest during breakfast while I was trying to work. Apple Jacks, cheese, and of course spit balls all over the floor along with my vertigo caused me to break out and yell at the kids and send them to their rooms. They went. Laughing all the way.
After their time outs, I had them clean up their mess. Well thats where breakdown number two occurred. They started walking around with their pants pulled down so their butts were hanging out. And of course not cleaning. I felt defeated. Again, I sent them to their rooms (still trying to work
And fight off the dizzy spell). I lost it and started bawling. Bad bawling. As Oprah called it, the ugly cry. Those kids sat there and stared at me like what the hell are you doing. They quickly moved to their rooms as I finished crying. I then turned to food. Evidence of the entire bag is pictured below.
Then zach walks in from work. He's watching me devour my pretzels all while bawling and he sees the cereal and cheese all over the floor. He comes to my rescue and promptly takes care of the kids. They get dressed fast!! Lol and go outside.
Breakdown number 3 finally occurs when I tell zach, we need a vacation. Just the two of us. And for more than a few hours, I mean days. Then I try to tap into babysitting resources for that and it's an epic fail. This time, I did the double ugly cry. You know where you can't breathe and snot is just running down your nose. Just the fact that I feel so isolated, really sucks. No escape. Not even for 3 days.
So I turn to my cancer mom group. And post the picture of my demolished bag of pretzels. They make me feel so much better. They relate, post pictures of their own meltdowns, and make me laugh. Thank goodness I have them.
I decide screw the vertigo, I'm taking a meclazine. I hate taking them because they make me so tired. But I was done fighting the dizzy spell, I succumb. Then I turn to making lunch. Mind you the kids haven't come inside!! Lol
And now I feel a little better. A little from the medication, a little help from my friends, and I actually made a new recipe that looks like the picture!! That is satisfaction!! Nailed it!